How not to be easily offended

By | Anger Management, Anxiety, Blog, Counselling, Depression, Marriage and Couples Relationships | No Comments

It is easy to get your panties in the twist

It is so easy to get carried away with feelings. Trying to  figure out “what exactly did they say” or “what did they mean”. Social media and the types of conversation we have online easily add another layer to this.

Often it is our  own judgement that leads us on, when it comes to taking offence to something, someone has said.

Here are some tips that you can use in your life that will help you stay calm, comprehend and avoid dramatic situations.

Tip One

If I’m taking what someone says too personally, is it what they are saying OR what they are triggering for me that needs to be dealt with?

Tip Two

Look beyond what someone may be saying or how they are behaving. There is probably a good chance they are going through some stress in their own lives. It’s not necessarily about you.

Tip Three

Suspend your judgement, and be open to possibilities. If we quickly jump to conclusions, we’ll develop assumptions instead of getting the full story.

Tip Four

When we think ‘it’s everyone else’s fault’ then we are powerless to change anything. Think about what is my part in the situation, and what or how can I change that. That’s all I can do – change how I think or feel about it.

Tip Five

Remember, we are all perfectly imperfect. If we believe people should live up to our expectations, then we will encounter disappointment. William Glasser said “I have noticed that happy people are constantly evaluating themselves and unhappy people are constantly evaluating others”.

If you’d like to book a one on one session please feel free to call us on (08) 9448 3210 

And for some daily motivation check out our INSTAGRAM @metrocounsellor

INSTAGRAM @metrocounsellor

TIP TUESDAY: NIP IT IN THE BUD

By | Blog, Counselling, Depression, Marriage and Couples Relationships | No Comments

Here are five tips to help resolve issues and avoid them getting out of hand.

Tip One
Stick to the issue ‘at hand’ so that you avoid venturing into a right/wrong or win/lose scenario where it ends up getting ‘out of hand’.

Tip Two
Stop rehearsing the ‘old stories’ that do not belong to whatever the current situation is. You’ll get nowhere fast if you keep rehearsing the old stuff. Learn to get off ‘that stage’ so you can start writing a much better, healthier, productive script for how to deal with conflict in your life.

Tip Three
Two things you can do if there is an issue – avoid or confront. Remember that which we resist will most persist. Spend a maximum of 20% on identifying specifically what the issue is and 80% on what the options, solutions or opportunities are for you. What can you learn from this situation? How can you grow so history doesn’t keep repeating itself?

Tip Four
Move away from the need to be right which means the other person is wrong. This makes a situation become polarised without any middle ground to negotiate. It can also take away the opportunity to develop solutions.

Tip Five
Think about the way we speak or communicate an issue. Our interpretation of an issue could be the opposite of how the other person interprets it. This in turn creates bigger problems. The first step is to make sure you are both on the same page. Share what you both think, feel or believe is your part in the issue, and what you can do about it.

We share “TIP TUESDAY” every fortnight so make sure you come back,

And for some daily motivation check out our INSTAGRAM @metrocounsellor

FullSizeRender

Feeling down in the dumps, depressed

By | Depression | No Comments

“Depression” comes from the Latin deprimere, meaning to press down and make lower.   Some obvious signs are: depressed and negative thoughts; feeling helpless, hopeless or useless; changes in your mood, your sleep patterns and appetite; low self-esteem; and just a struggle to motivate yourself on a day to day basis.  It is different from just feeling a little sad or a bit down for a few days.   It may feel as though you have fallen into a pit and can’t seem to find your way out.

Depression can be a complex area, although there is more and more information becoming available for what we can do about it.  Getting to the core issues of depression is a journey we take with our clients taking into consideration all aspects of coping strategies, relaxation, negative self-talk, communication, assertiveness, anger, thoughts around suicide, problem-solving, and goals for the future. There are different types of depression ranging from minor to severe symptoms.  Always involve someone you trust with what thoughts you are having, and how you are feeling.  This helps you to first of all acknowledge what is happening for you, secondly recognise that you are important, that it is a sign of strength to get help, and thirdly you have a trusted person to support you along the way to get the help you need.

Feeling depressed for extended periods of time can make a person feel exhausted, worthless and hopeless.  After a while, the negative thoughts and feelings can make some people feel as if they ‘just want to give up’.

Some of the reasons it can happen?

There is no one single reason why people get depressed.  People can become depressed in different areas of their lives.  Take for example, the work environment.  You can become quite depressed and ‘worn down’ if you are being constantly criticised by your supervisor/manager regardless of how much energy and effort you have been putting into your job.  Your ability to cope deteriorates.

Your motivation decreases, and negative thoughts and feelings increase.  You begin to experience physical symptoms which require taking time off work, and this then spills out onto your home environment – your relationships, family and friends.

Some of the other reasons people may become depressed include: overwhelming stress, relationship breakdown, physical illness, residential relocation, loss of a loved one, redundancy, loss of autonomy, physical disability… to name a few. Everybody handles the ‘curved balls’ life throws at them differently.

Some tips if feeling depressed

  • Create small steps when setting tasks.  What is essential, desirable or not that important?
  • Set realistic goals so that they set you up for success rather than failure.
  • Spend time with good friends, to talk with, to socialise with, even if it is just a coffee.
  • Take part in activities that make you feel better.  It may be an effort to get going, but once you get started, you have something different to focus on.
  • Walk or do some other form of exercise that you enjoy.  Motion creates emotion.
  • Understand that healing from whatever is making you feel depressed will take place one step at a time.  What we learn along the way is enormous.
  • Delay making important decisions if you feel your judgement is clouded.  Perhaps talk any decisions over with someone whose opinions you value, and who understand what you are currently going through.
  • Changing negative thoughts to positive ones.  Recalling good times, affirming the good things you are currently doing.
  • Keep a journal so you can map out your progress, and identify triggers.
  • Eat a healthy diet, and eliminate things that do not help your depression.
  • Set the alarm to get out of bed in the morning, and have something planned to do.
  • Make sure to get some sunshine in your day, and find something funny to laugh at.