How not to be easily offended

By | Anger Management, Anxiety, Blog, Counselling, Depression, Marriage and Couples Relationships | No Comments

It is easy to get your panties in the twist

It is so easy to get carried away with feelings. Trying to  figure out “what exactly did they say” or “what did they mean”. Social media and the types of conversation we have online easily add another layer to this.

Often it is our  own judgement that leads us on, when it comes to taking offence to something, someone has said.

Here are some tips that you can use in your life that will help you stay calm, comprehend and avoid dramatic situations.

Tip One

If I’m taking what someone says too personally, is it what they are saying OR what they are triggering for me that needs to be dealt with?

Tip Two

Look beyond what someone may be saying or how they are behaving. There is probably a good chance they are going through some stress in their own lives. It’s not necessarily about you.

Tip Three

Suspend your judgement, and be open to possibilities. If we quickly jump to conclusions, we’ll develop assumptions instead of getting the full story.

Tip Four

When we think ‘it’s everyone else’s fault’ then we are powerless to change anything. Think about what is my part in the situation, and what or how can I change that. That’s all I can do – change how I think or feel about it.

Tip Five

Remember, we are all perfectly imperfect. If we believe people should live up to our expectations, then we will encounter disappointment. William Glasser said “I have noticed that happy people are constantly evaluating themselves and unhappy people are constantly evaluating others”.

If you’d like to book a one on one session please feel free to call us on (08) 9448 3210 

And for some daily motivation check out our INSTAGRAM @metrocounsellor

INSTAGRAM @metrocounsellor

RELATIONSHIP CHECK IN

By | Blog, Counselling, Marriage and Couples Relationships | No Comments

Remember what initially attracted you to your partner and what build your relationship

Was it that smile? was it the way they approached you? was it the small things they did when you were together? may be a peck on the forehead even if they were walking only a few steps away. Your relationship begins with you and what you choose to prioritise.

Going down memory lane can remind us that we are more than our mortgage, bills, and responsibilities.

Somewhere inside of us there is always part of us that wants that fun, adventure, and spontaneity rejuvenated.

These steps will help you realise and prioritise feelings and emotions in your relationship and highlights things that you may want to address.

Check-up one 
UNDERSTAND and APPRECIATE how the two of you are similar or different to avoid criticising or judging each other. It’s ok to have shared and different interests. Do you support the interests of your partner even though you have no interest in it?

Check-up two
CHECK-UP on your progress for how open or confident you are at sharing your feelings, thoughts or desires to your partner. Are there are any topics that you find are really hard to open up to with your partner? Remember, your partner is not a ‘mind-reader’. Do I trust that my partner will listen or hear what I am saying?

Check-up three
IDENTIFY the amount of quality time you spend with your partner. Be clear about your commitment to the relationship. Remember that there is a difference between quality and quantity! Are you APPRECIATING and UNDERSTANDING the need for some space for separate activities too?

Check-up four
CHECK-IN with how you feel about yourself. The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. So to feel good about your relationship, you need to feel good about yourself. This AVOIDS relying on the other person to make your life ‘complete’!

If you’d like to book a one on one session please feel free to call us on (08) 9448 3210 

And for some daily motivation check out our INSTAGRAM @metrocounsellor

INSTAGRAM @metrocounsellor

Valentines: Last minute date night ideas

By | Blog, Marriage and Couples Relationships | No Comments

Valentines 2016 is less than 24 hours away and if you are still stuck on sparking up a little intimacy or special moment this love day then stress no more our counsellors have compiled up a few ideas that might help you.

The great thing about Valentines this year is that is;

  1. It falls on a Sunday
  2. It is forecasted to be a a gorgeous 30 degree day, and
  3. There are so many amazing things happening around our EPIC city

This ideas are suitable for both men and women. A combination of budget ideas,  some luxury, some classic. So lets get started with the ideas; 

  1. Joint massage and aroma therapy (relaxing and nurturing)
    Perfect for a Sunday afternoon. It has been hot week so get out for a nice relaxing massage. It’s intimate, gets you relaxed and excited for the week ahead
     
  2. Prepare and cook a romantic meal at home
    This one is a classic. Cooking your partner’s favourite meal and may be accompanied by “Netflix and chill”  something like this
     
  3. Surprise picnic
    There are so many great spots around Perth for a movie moment like this. The beaches, Kings Park, South Perth Foreshore or even Perth’s newest addition Elizabeth Quay.
     
  4. Elizabeth Quay
    This is Perth’s newest addition  and a brilliant hang out spot. It is equally as romantic as it is adventurous. You can begin with a 25 min Transperth Ferry ride to the South Perth Foreshore and back followed by drinks and a meal at the Embargo Bar and the street food pop ups. Then after you are fuelled up you can head over to the Chevron Gardens and Fringe Festival set up at the Quay. The Fringe set up is glorious with merry go round and skating. It is romantic movie scene heaven and really amazing. You can finish the night off with the water light show which is spectacular.
  5. A twilight Dinner and Cruise along the river
    This is really lush. You can get dressed up and have a nice dinner while enjoying the views and just taking a moment together for the night.
     
  6. Plan an experience for each other
    Hot Air balloon, Flight Simulator, Stars at night at an observatory with a Champagne picnic, or other close to the heart experience.
     
  7. Theatre Show or Concert of your choice
    3 words, THE LION KING and of course there are some brilliant restaurants over at The Crown for date night.
     
  8. Cinema Gold Class and a meal after (romantic or comedy movie)
    Super classic and one where you cannot go wrong.
     
  9. At home retreat
    Give each other a massage, shower each other, and try a fun exercise look into each other’s eyes tell each other why you love them. See how many good points you can come up with.
     
  10. Re-Create your first date and go down memory lane to capture that first feeling you had about each other, re-ignite the spark!

We hope this helped you think up a great date night this valentines and we hope you have a superb Valentines Day.

TIP TUESDAY: NIP IT IN THE BUD

By | Blog, Counselling, Depression, Marriage and Couples Relationships | No Comments

Here are five tips to help resolve issues and avoid them getting out of hand.

Tip One
Stick to the issue ‘at hand’ so that you avoid venturing into a right/wrong or win/lose scenario where it ends up getting ‘out of hand’.

Tip Two
Stop rehearsing the ‘old stories’ that do not belong to whatever the current situation is. You’ll get nowhere fast if you keep rehearsing the old stuff. Learn to get off ‘that stage’ so you can start writing a much better, healthier, productive script for how to deal with conflict in your life.

Tip Three
Two things you can do if there is an issue – avoid or confront. Remember that which we resist will most persist. Spend a maximum of 20% on identifying specifically what the issue is and 80% on what the options, solutions or opportunities are for you. What can you learn from this situation? How can you grow so history doesn’t keep repeating itself?

Tip Four
Move away from the need to be right which means the other person is wrong. This makes a situation become polarised without any middle ground to negotiate. It can also take away the opportunity to develop solutions.

Tip Five
Think about the way we speak or communicate an issue. Our interpretation of an issue could be the opposite of how the other person interprets it. This in turn creates bigger problems. The first step is to make sure you are both on the same page. Share what you both think, feel or believe is your part in the issue, and what you can do about it.

We share “TIP TUESDAY” every fortnight so make sure you come back,

And for some daily motivation check out our INSTAGRAM @metrocounsellor

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Infidelity

By | Marriage and Couples Relationships | No Comments

We could define infidelity, colloquially known as cheating, as the act of sexual or emotional unfaithfulness to one’s husband, wife, or lover.

The good news is that less than 10 percent of marriages involving sexual infidelity will end in divorce, considering the overall divorce rate is 50 percent of marriages.

It is only the couple themselves that can make that decision if their marriage will survive after an affair.  To recommit to a relationship after the infidelity takes a lot of courage to trust the other person, trust their own judgement, and get some help with what was happening in the relationship.  Rebuilding this trust in the relationship is not an easy journey, as there is still so much pain and hurt.  Many questions, quite often the same ones over and over, will be asked – ‘why, how, who was it, how often, when’ etc.  The betrayed person needs to make sense of something that feels senseless to them.  There are many emotional stages to the grief and loss suffered such as devastation, betrayal, blame, anger, hurt, rejection, sadness, disloyalty.  It feels like a bad dream, this couldn’t possibly be happening, not to me!

What are some issues around infidelity?

Certain ‘triggers and associations’ will remind the betrayed person of the affair, and this can prompt feelings of anger, hurt or rejection.  These triggers can also be seen as signs of healing the hurt.  If these feelings can be validated, healing can be much more effective.  However, if these feelings are greeted with ‘I thought you were over that, or how many times have I explained that to you’, then that will stall and damage the healing process and overall relationship.

Trust needs to be rebuilt, honesty needs to prevail, and transparency rather than ‘blind spots’ needs to be a focus.  In face of this, the couple needs to give themselves permission and time to deal with the situation in their own way and heal together.

The aftermath around infidelity include:        

  • Betrayal of me, our family, our lives.
  • Disloyalty, how could you?
  • No trust, will they do it again?
  • Lack of respect.
  • Anger that you have been put in this position that you may have to make a decision etc.
  • Lifestyle changes.
  • Pending separation.
  • Uncertainty about the future.

Some tips to help you through infidelity…

  • Surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself.
  • Take time out.
  • Be kind to yourself.
  • Get tested for STDs and HIV.
  • Be patient, time has miraculous healing powers.
  • Do not seek revenge.
  • Stay positive about life by recognising your own self-worth.
  • Visualise and work toward a happy outcome, if you decide to remain in the relationship.
  • Seek professional help to help you move forward.

If you can relate to any of the issues above, then it is very important to get help in exploring and understanding what has happened, and how this is affecting you now.