In order for us to have good relationships, we must first recognise the relationship we have with ourselves. A relationship needs to be nurtured by two people, otherwise if you are not looking after it, who or what is? Relationships are often thought of as the one we have with our partner/spouse. Yet there are many different relationships we deal with everyday such as family, friends, work colleagues, and even those that we foster at our local shopping centre or sporting clubs.
There are so any important elements to a relationship. One of the most fundamental elements involves the ability to be able to communicate, the foundation of connecting with each other. The two ways to communicate are effectively and ineffectively. It is important to have or develop the confidence to speak honestly and openly about anything that is causing you some grief or concern. Healthy communication enables you to express and share your deeper feelings in the different stages of a relationship. A part of this deeper understanding involves the origins of our role models and how they have influenced our choices, behaviours (destructive/constructive), in order to achieve easier more fulfilling relationships.
What do we agree is important?
It’s important to know and understand what each of you consider to be essential and intrinsic core values that are not negotiable. Those that reflect your purpose, passion, meaning, and self-worth. They are the basic principles that define who we really are. How can we really know what we want if we haven’t yet discovered who we really are?
It is normal for healthy relationships go through many transformations. What can cause some grief in a relationship is when one person embraces change, and the other person will resist (fear of the unknown etc). Just as life has its ups and downs, so do all relationships. How would we learn otherwise? There are times in a relationship where one person does not feel heard, understood or connected with the other person.
Relationships that tend to grow from these situations incorporate the essential ingredients such as:
However we really need to establish firm and healthy ground rules and boundaries. You know one of the most important things about relationships is the one we have with ourselves. It will actually determine how we deal or handle other relationships in our lives. It’s not a one size fits all when we work with couples.
Some of the issues that can result in an unhealthy relationship include…
- One person wanting to control the relationship, I want it the way I want it
- Barriers to communication
- Not understanding the priorities of the relationship
- Poor coping skills
- Lack of negotiation skills
- Poor problem-solving skills
- Jealousy to the point of not trusting the other person
- A power imbalance between the two people
- Anger or Aggression that distracts from the core issue
- Drugs and Alcohol
- Criticising as a way of putting the other person down
- Judging without understanding the full story
- Lack of conflict resolution
- Blaming one another
If any of the issues above are becoming a problem, do not wait for the relationship to suffer any longer. Learn valuable skills to develop the essential ingredients for your relationship. You can also learn to enhance your relationship further (there doesn’t have to be a crisis or conflict).